Three is a Magic Number

Maggie's crib is on Craig's List. This makes me a little emotional for many reasons, not the least of which what it indirectly means.

I struggle daily with the prospect of Maggie being an only child. Not only am I 37 and just tired, tired, tired at the end of the day but I'm not sure I want more children. Until I was 26, I wasn't even really sure I wanted 1. I know a lot of only children and they are just fine...but is it selfish to not give Maggie a sibling because I am tired? Is it really all about me?

Not that I feel the need to explain myself, but I will. Erik, Amy and Maggie, family of 3. I like it. I like that our entire life is about her, focused on her, making her a good person and happy. I never was a girl who had to be a mother, just happy. Having 2 kids gives me that mother title and everything in your life is about caring for kids - plural. Having 1 makes me happy. And it makes us..."us". We take a flight on a plane and we're in a row together, we all fit nicely on the bed together when we watch tv, we fit at our kitchen table that is against the wall and only has 3 sides perfectly, she sits in between us and can touch both of us. We have a thing...the 3 of us...inside jokes that no one else needs to understand and a closeness that I never want to dilute.

With all that said, she will probably hate me one day for this decision but I hope she understands it really was all about her.