Selfish me

The times they are a-changing...

I read all of these articles about how to find yourself after having a baby, to make sure you still have "me" time, not to let your life be all about the baby, etc. etc etc...

I have to wonder, does this even apply anymore or do I just live in a rose-colored world? Are there really husbands out there anymore that don't do anything around the house, don't help with the kids, don't allow their wives to have their "me" time etc etc etc???

I had a pedicure the other day. No, it was not a special occasion, I just had a pedicure. I have been known to sneak off to the mall when Maggie goes to bed. In fact, I did last night and now I am obsessing about a pair of sandals that Nordstrom no longer has in my size in any of their stores (and to top it off, NO ONE carries the canary yellow Steve Madden sandals that I NEED). Thanks to Tivo I never miss an episode of Lost, The Office, Top Chef, Jon & Kate + 8 (I like to see how good I really have it!). AND...I have enough babysitters available at any given time that I could feasibly go find myself for a month and never have to worry that she was in good hands. No, I would not do that, but, YES, I do take advantage of that luxury that I have.

Yes, my life does revolve around Maggie, my family and making it as perfect as it can be but, NO, I am not sacrificing myself in the process because what good is that to her as a role model?

I want Maggie to feel comfortable staying at Gramma's house (and know that she will be spoiled to no end while she is there) but always feel secure that I'll be there in the morning to pick her up.

I want her to know that Mommy and Daddy still have a life and still go out on dates and NEVER fight (talk about rose-colored worlds!).

I want her to know that Mommy still cares what she wears when she goes out in public and even though there's a good chance I will end up with smashed bananas on my shoulder from where you were holding onto me, that I wear that as a badge of honor and that I could really care less if the clothes are ruined...they are just things, not nearly as important as how it feels when you grab onto me to give me a hug.

And that banana would look great with those canary yellow sandals...if only I could find them...

Some updates for the book:

* Her walking is getting better and better, although she still sits down to crawl when she realizes she is crawling, she CAN walk, she just chooses not to most of the time. She's a hybrid...she's gets better gas mileage that way

* She is talking like crazy. I don't always know what she's saying but can usually figure it out with her inflection. Ba ba means about a billion different things.

* She has such a funny sense of humor and when she knows she's funny she cheers and claps until you join in.

* I was secretly watching her play with her "fridge DJ" the other day while she was sitting on the floor listening with utter fascination and everytime a song ended she would cheer and clap, then push the button for more. Priceless...of course I got the video camera too late though.

Ollayu

Maggie pulled out all the stops yesterday. She was the opposite of the kid on our anniversary. It makes me wonder...did she read my last blog or did she just instinctively know it was Mother's Day?

She did not run away from me when I tried to change her diaper...

She did not scream at me when I tried to do an art project with her...




She was a perfect little angel all weekend long...




We met the family at Benihana for dinner on Saturday. Maggie loves waiters and we thought an entertaining chef at the table would be exactly what would keep her attention so we could enjoy a nice dinner. And we were right, the pseudo-Asian aka Hispanic chef fascinated her...she sat there mesmerized while shoveling handful after handful of rice in her mouth. And in between bites she did her silent cheer/shake your arms as hard as you can dance to everyone across the table. Pure happiness.

But for the most exciting part of the weekend....she....are you ready for this...WALKED!!

Yes, Maggie officially walked on Mother's Day. What a gift, I couldn't have asked for anything more. She had been taking steps here and there in the days leading up to it but she really started to feel comfortable taking steps on Sunday. Or at least I choose to believe that. It's more poetic that way.


Her first test of her new skills was to walk up to the gate that Daddy just installed and shake it with all of her might. Apparently Maggie did not get the memo that anything that Daddy built, installed, hung, repaired, etc. we walk near very gingerly. When you put a towel on a towel rack in our house, you do not give it an extra tug...when you straighten a picture on the wall you barely touch it...you just never know how secure it really is. But I think the gate may have passed the safety test; Maggie gave it her seal of approval.


And to top it off, when I was putting her to bed last night I told her to give Daddy a kiss goodnight and she gave him a kiss and said "OLLAYU". And if that is not I love you I don't know what is!


Thank you Maggie for making my 2nd Mother's day the 2nd best ever. Now if you would give ME those kisses and say OLLAYU to ME once in a while we'd be golden. But just hearing it is good enough for me...for now....

13

Today is our 13th anniversary. Except to Erik it's the 14th since we don't count the number 13 in this house. Although how ironic is it that as superstitious as he is that he married someone born on the 13th? And about that superstition...a great philosopher, Mitch Hedberg, once said "my hotel doesn't have a 13th floor because of superstition, but people on the 14th floor, you know what floor you're really on" so we know what anniversary we're really on.

So here's a rundown of how our anniversary went. I wake up, ready to jump in the shower when in my contact-less haze I happen to see something out of the ordinary. A card...with the sweetest thing ever written in it. This is going to be a good day I think to myself.

I get out of the shower to hear Erik and Maggie playing. She's babbling like crazy and I think to myself...it doesn't get any better than this. Hearing my husband and daughter playing early in the morning, everyone's happy, everyone's in a good mood.

I peek outside the bathroom to say good morning to Maggie and it starts...

WHAAAA!!!!! WHAAAAA!!!!!
(translation: PICK ME UP!!! WHY HAVEN'T YOU PICKED ME UP YET WOMAN??)


I'll be right there baby, I have to finish doing my hair...and I close the door to muffle the cries.

Now my morning is in full speedbake mode. Hurry up, do your hair, get half dressed so you can pick her up to stop the crying...please GOD stop crying!! And this is how my morning continues. I cannot put her down for more than a second before the MAAOOOOMMM starts up again.

We get through the morning and I go to work in a good mood still. We'll have a better evening I think to myself.

I get home around 5:30 and I hear Maggie babbling again as I walk up the stairs. Again I think, it doesn't get any better than this hearing my husband cooking dinner while Maggie is playing along side. I do my usual peek around the corner to surprise her and she just gives me this look. Not the usual excitement and squeal but that's ok and immediately...

WHAAAA!!!!! WHAAAAA!!!!!
(translation: see above)


So I hurry to heat up her dinner put her in her high chair and feed her. Ahhhh...Happy Girl...I even get a few uh-oh's throughout dinner (her new favorite word...she'll drop something and if it doesn't fall on the floor like it's supposed to she kicks it so it does and then goes "UH OH" as if that was an accident. I think she's overinterpreting uh oh just a bit).

I clean her up after dinner and full tantrum mode begins...isn't she a little young for this?

PPPBBBBTTT!!!
(translation: raspberry sound...LEAVE ME ALONE!!!)

And since she hasn't had a bath in 3 days it is definitely bath night (do I have a death wish?) so all I hear for the next hour is: PPPPBBTTTT...WAAAHHHH...WAAAHHHH...PPPPBBBTTTT...da?.....PPPBBBTTTT...da da?WAAAHHHH...uh oh!...PPPBBBTTTT....

Needless to say, Erik puts her right to bed after her bath. Apparently SOMEBODY only had one nap today.

So we recap the night...
Erik: Maggie was a kissing machine today, I can't count how many I got today
Me: I haven't gotten a kiss in a week
Erik: her vocabulary is really expanding...she's babbling like crazy
Me: All I heard was PPPBBBTTT

It looks like she already has a love/hate relationship with Mom. I knew this would happen at say...13 YEARS OLD...but 1?? But hearing her heavy breathing in the monitor makes me just want to wake her up and give her a big kiss but the motto in this house is "never poke the bear".

Happy 13th Anniversary to me! Maybe there is something to this superstition thing?

Get ready!

It's the eve of my favorite time of year. I have been on the edge of my seat in anticipation all day today because, yes, Herndon Live starts tomorrow. Not only for me does this mean the kick off of FESTIVAL SEASON which translates to FUNNEL CAKE SEASON which translates to finding all of the weight I recently lost just in time for bathing suit season, but it means we are finally done with winter, we can finally be outside for longer than the time it takes us to run from the door to the car, we can get some sun (yes, I know, I'll still have the same fair skin in July but it will be one shade darker...just enough for me to notice), we can get OUT OF THIS HOUSE!

So Maggie...get ready...because you are in for quite a summer. Do you think you can stay up past 7:00? Trust me, you will want to. You are going to be in kid heaven tomorrow.

I hope that someday you look back on summer nights like this and feel like a kid again no matter how old you are. I know I do...it didn't matter that your Gramma and Pap took me to see Dionne Warwick and Mac Davis at Wolftrap...I have great memories of being outside with music in the background, picnics on a blanket on a warm summer night. Sorry Mom and Dad...but it is slightly embarrassing to admit my first concert was Dionne Warwick.

So sleep well tonight my dear because we have some funnel cake to eat tomorrow!

Happy Birthday

Little Miss Maggie,

It is the eve of your first birthday. Last year at this time we knew that in exactly 12 hours I would be induced and approximately 5 hours after that you would be ours. There was no chance of falling asleep that night and you don't even know that tonight you are supposed to be so excited that you cannot fall asleep either.

You have no idea what that extra squeeze in your goodnight hug meant tonight. In that blink of a moment I was reliving the 8 heart-wrenching years of trying to have you and then the moment when we found out that we could...we would. And the moment you were born and (cliche moment here) we stared at each other for the first time, finally.

You have no idea what a miracle you are to us. That when you are playing all by yourself with some obvious purpose that I just stare at you in awe. That when I go in to check on you at night I almost cry at the sweetness of your little body, little butt sticking up in the air and the little sounds of your peaceful breathing.

And I'll apologize now for all of my imperfections because I certainly don't pretend to know everything (you'll hear a lot of "Google it" from me when you ask difficult questions I promise) and I certainly don't pretend to be a perfect mother (maybe I shouldn't have shared my Slurpee with you this afternoon and then my ice cream sandwich an hour later) but just know you are always going to be my perfect little one.

Happy Birthday Maggie Moo.

Love,
Mom

Reflections

Just 2 short days and Maggie will officially be 1. Pretty soon she can hold up one little finger when people ask her how old she is (or would that make her a genius if she could do that at this age?).

I was feeling a little sentimental today and decided to go through my old e-mails pre and post-Maggie. They made me smile and I thought I'd share...

Erik's e-mail to the family when we were told we would be induced:

EVICTION NOTICE

TO: Maggie Rose Crawford

WHO IS OCCUPYING THE SPACE LOCATED AT : Amy's Womb

YOU ARE HEREBY NOTIFIED that your tenancy of the premises will be terminated as early as April 27, 2007 but no later than April 30, 2007, and on that day you will be required to surrender possession of the womb to your Mother.

Induction proceedings may be instituted for your eviction if you do not surrender possession of the womb on or before the date set forth above . While we have enjoyed having you as a tenant, it is time for you to move into your new space as soon as possible.

It is illegal for you to unreasonably withhold consent for the OB to enter into the womb in order to: · inspect the premises · make necessary alterations or · supply necessary services, or · exhibit the womb to doctors and nurses.

Signed: Frederick and Amy Crawford

The e-mail that went out to friends and family after she was born:

We are finally home from the hospital, so I have internet access for the first time in 3 days.

Here are her stats, link to a photo album and our contact info. Everyone is doing well and we are settling in at home.

Sorry for the boring e-mail, but my creative juices have been zapped by a lack of sleep

Maggie Rose Crawford
4/27/07 7 lbs
14 oz 19.75 inches long

Womb With a View Album http://community.webshots.com/user/crawdaddye - These are my Dad's shots, I will add more when I get some free time from the parade of visitors, so check back later in the week for more.

enjoy!
Amy, Erik and Maggie

The e-mail that went out to my company on the day she was born:

Please join me in congratulating Amy Crawford and her husband Erik on the birth of their daughter Maggie Rose.

Two hours after the 2:14 pm birth Amy called us to spread the news (how’s that for work/life balance??).

Maggie Rose Crawford is 7lb. 14 oz and 19 ¾ inches long.

What a difference a year makes...

Little Miss Mobile

Maggie decided at 11 months, 3 weeks it might be time for her to crawl. Forget the fact that she is practically walking, I think she feels like she must go through the crawling stage in order to be a complete 1 year old. Sort of like the executive who worked his or her way up from the mailroom vs. the one who's never been anything but. When Maggie is a high-falutin' walker she can look back on her crawling days and say "I remember when..."

Check out her duathlon video on our picture site: http://www.dropshots.com/Crawdaddye#date/2008-04-21/19:23:38
Notice her seamless movement from walking to crawling WHILE talking. And notice how she's saying dada when it's mama who's operating the camera. Genius in motion...

There are also hints of language that might actually mean something. Even though Erik would like to think she says dada constantly we're pretty sure just da means "what's that" or "give me that" or something to THAT effect. And na na seems to mean more...when she was up at 1 AM last night (adorable, I know) and I was giving her some water to drink, in her sweetest voice she said na na in between sips so I would not take it away. And when she ate all of my butternut squash tonight, as soon as she was finished with what was in front of her all I heard was NA NA. The sacrifices I make.

Back to the 1 AM wake up...me being the lover of sleep that I am put her in our bed hoping and praying that she would fall asleep and I could sneak her back into her crib once she did. What actually happened was she flipped and flopped around for 30 minutes while saying "eh" and "da da"...which of course MEANT da da but he'll tell you she was just saying "what's that".

Selective interpretation I guess.