Moo or Moe?

Maggie thinks she's the 4th Stooge. She gets great pleasure in pulling your nose, poking you in the eye, slapping you across the face and crawling all over you like you're a jungle gym. Today, I came home from work so happy to see her I picked her up and let her grab my cell phone only to be bonked on the side of the head with it followed by laughter. I was able to open my eyes for a split second to see her coming at me full force a second time with the most evil smile on her face and caught her just in time before I was knocked unconscious.

"You gotta keep your head on a swivel in the Crawford house" so Erik says

This is what I get for having a kid with the biggest antagonist of all time. I was never bullied in school but I think I'm being bullied at home. Maybe this is a Dateline waiting to happen..."kids who bully their parents". Last week she tried scratching my eye out and actually broke the skin. I'm starting to think people at work think I'm a battered wife. Nope, just a battered mom...to a 1 year old.

Now the eye gouging thing one could have something to do with the fact that she will not allow me to cut her nails anymore. She waves her hands furiously until I back away with the clippers and I decide, once again, we'll do this later. The other night I decided to bring a little book light into her room and tried cutting them while she was sleeping. It didn't matter, she moved her hands and feet just as much as when she's awake.

So I think the lesson here is I need to show her who's boss (I'm sensing a pattern with this blog). Last night I decided enough was enough with the nails and I put her on my lap and let her cry while I cut them. It took all of 20 seconds, she survived and was happy as ever as soon as it was done. Although Erik said she looked like Cujo, foaming at the mouth, crying that silent cry where the facial expression is there but nothing is coming out.

We have been noticing that she knows what she is not supposed to touch yet does so anyway while she looks at us...smiling. We ignore it and she gets bored. So I think I've finally learned something here. I can sum up successful parenting in one word - REACTION. Something like B + A + R = BB (Bullying + Antagonism + Reaction = BAD BABY) which I suppose will eventually send mommy to the BAR. Replace the R with a little I (ignore) and we will all be much saner in the morning.

I knew that algebra would come in handy some day.

Bad Parenting 101

We discovered a bad thing...our monitor reaches to our neighbor's house. First of all, let me point out that we made friends with neighbors. This sort of thing never happens for us, and if it does, it is usually not long before said neighbors move away. So, needless to day, we found out these neighbors are actually moving next year - but I digress.

Back to the monitor - they invited us to a party at their house and our initial answer was no, as any responsible parent who has a child that goes to bed at 7 PM would say. But then we looked at each other like "hmmm...remember when we lived in Denver and the neighbors on either side of us discovered their monitors reached to our house and we could all hang out there?" Yes, we know we were used for our monitor frequency but we didn't mind. We were just so happy to not have to hang out with sunflower man, homeschooled kids who still were breastfed at age 5 neighbor. And yes, those 2 neighbors moved away too...but guess who stayed?? Sunflower man! You can actually see his sunflowers on google maps. I digress...again.

SO...to make a very long story short - monitor works, we hang out, I obsessively check on Maggie every 20 minutes and all is well. Now, let's see if that monitor reaches to Nordstrom...

Over the past few weeks, Maggie's vocabulary has grown amazingly. We say "apple" she says "appa", We say "thank you" she says "danku"... you get the point. Recently she has started answering questions...all with the same answer. No.

I first noticed it when we finished changing her diaper and I stood her up and said "ta da!", she looked at me with a furrowed brow (no, I have never used that phrase before and I do not plan to use it again, but how else do you describe this facial expression?) and clearly said "no" as she shook her head. And it's not just a shake of her head, her whole body gets involved. I'm not sure what she has against "ta da" but each time I said it, I got the whole body shake/furrowed brow no.

Tonight as we were eating our Cheesecake Factory-to-go, I offered her some of my corn cake tamales and she politely said "no", bread? "no", french fry? "no", chicken?...you get the point. It's truly adorable the tone of voice she uses along with the head shake and facial expression. Erik pointed out that it's cute NOW but just wait...

Fast forward to an hour later, we're hanging out in the living room. Maggie discovers the fireplace and is playing with the screen in front of it. I say "no" and she continues playing with it while shaking her head, I say "no, Maggie" and she continues playing with it while shaking her head, I say "Maggie" and she turns around and smiles at me. Once again, she has given me the big middle finger. After several attempts at "distraction" (the "expert" advice for this disciplining at this age), I look at Erik who basically tells me what I already knew, she is testing me. Even though technically, what is the harm in her playing with it? Probably none, but that's not the point! My daughter is walking all over me! So I SHOWED HER...we marched straight up to bed.

Unfortunately, Maggie loves her bed and practically begs to be put in it. See previous post about our incredibly easy bedtime routine. So all in all, she learned nothing. But it sure made me feel like I learned how to say "no" to her!

BUH bye

The favorite part of seeing people for Maggie is having the opportunity to say bye to them. She doesn't really get that the visit is the good part, she just enjoys them leaving. Usually after they are in the car she'll repeatedly say "buh bye, BUH bye, BUH BYE" each one more dramatic than the last as if she's Bette Davis. I expect to turn around and see her in gloves up to her elbows with a cigarette holder in between her fingers.

Well now it seems that she's now added blowing kisses to her repertoire. I don't recall teaching her how to blow kisses but when Erik left for work this morning she did her normal, dramatic buh-bye followed by several hands to the face and then "MWAH" as she took it away. I didn't realize she could be MORE over the top but she has found a way.

She also seems to have no problem with self esteem. As I was following her up the stairs tonight, she kept saying "goo gaa" which I can only translate to good girl as I noticed I said that a lot as she was climbing. She belted a final "GOO GAA" as she summited and walked very purposefully into her room, sat down, read a few books (yes, she read them to herself and really did not seem to want me involved), stood outside of her crib just waiting for me to put her in there.

I guess I can't complain, you don't really get an easier bedtime routine than that. Except for when you see her eye the door and then you to see if you're paying attention, and if you're slightly off your game she will make a run for it trying to get to the stairs before you do, laughing the entire way.

And by the way...she is QUICK! I hope she never discovers why we don't want her going down the stairs head first.

Home Sweet Home

We are back from vacation to the popular summer destination of Pittsburgh, PA. An all-inclusive resort at Casa de Uncle Vince poolside. We had a great time with the family but are also happy to be back home getting back into our routine. As much as I absolutely loved spending an entire week with Maggie, calling a week long trip with a toddler a vacation is a bit of a stretch.

Maggie was a little overwhelmed by all of the new faces (19 to be exact) and was a bit clingy all week. Her 4 year old cousins were fascinated by her and made sure to follow her around with various toys every minute she was awake. Which is probably the reason why she slept AMAZINGLY the entire week. Solid naps, full night sleeps, NO COUGHING...it was heaven. And I'm sure she was happy for the peace and quiet too.

Over the past week she has progressed so much with her walking and talking and makes us laugh constantly. She basically repeats any word you ask her to (when she is in the mood) and last week said "burp", "cough" and "Jason" with perfect enunciation. That's my girl.

When we arrived home you could see the relief of familiarity in her face and how happy she was when she saw her room. It's amazing at whatever age how no matter how nice it is to get away, it's even nicer to return home.

Be Careful What You Blah Blah Blah

Yep, everyone told me - don't rush Maggie walking, all she'll want to do is walk away from you. Enjoy the now, they grow up too fast...blah blah blah.

Of course I didn't listen. Not that it would have mattered if I did.

Maggie is a walking machine and she is wearing me out! We went to Herndon Live last weekend and rather than walk around our little picnic area we set up each week as she usually does, all she wanted to do was leave our little safe haven for bigger pastures. She's down the sidewalk before you can say funnel cake and is not looking back.

She discovered the stairs recently and as of last night that is all she wants to do - climb the stairs and squeal when she thinks you're chasing her up them. There is nothing cuter than watching those little legs climb stairs but when she reaches the top she'll just turn around as if she can walk right down them. And no matter how much I demonstrate the crawl down on your tummy technique she would much rather you grab her hands and help her jump down each step as she laughs hysterically. I guess I found my new workout.

Apparently last night she thought we just put her down for a nap at 7 PM because at 8 she's banging on her crib (her signal that she's awake from a nap) incessantly. We go in to check on her and she's "reading" her book and looks up at us like "hi guys, what's up?". So we give in and let her walk around upstairs until she wore herself out.

And was she reading this blog or what? She is now thoroughly attached to the biggest, heaviest blanket we own. Why was I obsessed with her becoming attached to something? Maybe because I thought it would be something reasonably sized like a stuffed animal or small blanket. But no, Maggie now tries walking around the house with a blanket that weighs as much as she does and is twice her size so she trips and can't fit through doorways which of course ends up in frustration. The only way to distract her from it when we left for daycare the other day was to give her my Blackberry which then resulted in prying it from her tiny little hands as I left her there...crying.

I am going off to bed now (crazy, I know, it's 9:40) because I am t-i-r-e-d...did I mention I got home at 6 and she went to bed at 7? 1 hour and I'm exhausted.

It's On

This weekend I saw the beginning of mini-tantrums from my angelic daughter. She's testing me, I just know it and I'm afraid she might win!

It all started on Saturday when we were in her playroom and there are 2 things she knows she cannot touch in there...the ipod docking station and the wall outlet which are right next to each other. So I turn around to find her with one hand on the wall outlet and the other on the ipod just smiling at me. Don't laugh I tell myself, try distraction to diffuse the situation. This time it works...but this little girl knows what she's doing.

At Gramma's house on Sunday she is a handful. Going through Gramma's cabinets and taking out glass jars, soda cans, etc., banging my keys against the glass door, trying to walk down steps that she doesn't know how to walk down and on and on and on. And each time I remove her from the situation she had a mini-meltdown.

I guess this is good preparation for the dreaded terrible two year(s) I keep telling myself. But isn't it a little early? Doesn't she know I haven't gotten to that chapter in the book yet? Or maybe she does and she's just that smart. Typical Maggie, always waiting for the moment you're not paying attention...